Journal
A Perfect MomentDecember 2nd, 2016
tags: empathy

I'd meant to leave early enough this morning to miss the school-bound traffic, but didn't. I've been feeding my daughter's cat while she's gone and haven't got a routine yet. Between my house and hers is 2.5 miles of a 2-lane, fall-soaked stretch of coffee shops, bakeries, apartments and ...

EternityNovember 15th, 2016
tags: listening

Today I know I have a choice, to focus on the conflict or find another response…..

Today I spend time in a state of openness to Source Love. Today I know that this ability, this willingness to let go of everything that is less than True, is indisputably mine. It ...

Truth TellingOctober 24th, 2016
tags: remember

I have a chapter in my book that includes the story of my mother's mother, Neola Gertrude Ellertson. I'd read the narrative included in the history compiled by my cousins who've been conscientious about documenting our genealogy, but the story seemed to have obvious omissions so I called my mother to ...

The Shortest StrawSeptember 28th, 2016
tags: love

An excerpt from my book...

    One Monday night when I was five my family was having Family Home Evening as usual. We were a family of eight back then since your aunt Trina hadn’t been born. We must have filled every chair in our small family room as my ...

Creativity and PowerAugust 25th, 2016
tags: create

An original, creative person has a very different relationship with power than most people.

An original, creative person accesses power directly through the inspiration of their creative pursuits and practices.

An original, creative person doesn't look to anyone else to represent them.

An original, creative person knows how to listen ...

Keep SingingMarch 12th, 2016
tags: empathy

It seems to happen to me at 30,000 feet.

This time it was a Frontier flight from Chicago to Portland. The middle seat had been assigned to a son whose mother was inexplicably condemned to a seat in the rear of the plane. He traded down and the fateful ...

IdentityFebruary 7th, 2016
tags: choices

From my journal 2/7/2016

As a woman raised in a patriarchal system I was taught to obey the authority of men who had a misunderstanding about Love. These men defined God in terms that established themself in a superior position. From this elevated and uninformed stance they judged the ...

OwnershipJanuary 24th, 2016
tags: forgiveness

From my journal 1/24/2016

A dream....

The young women has created something new. She's taken unworked lengths of wood and formed them into a unique shape with a trough down the middle. This design makes the wood very useful. She shows it to her powerful male friend.

She ...

A Good ListenerDecember 31st, 2015
tags: listening

My dear sister,

I know your pain. Please don't believe yourself so far from me that you deny this. I’ve been where you are now.

I know how it feels to believe that love has betrayed you. I have visited the despair of "there is no love" repeatedly as I've ...

InclusionNovember 23rd, 2015
tags: love

I have two competing ideas about how I love:

One - “I make loving choices as I’m guided by the Good in me. The experience of living in alignment with Love is all I ever need. 

Two - “I make loving choices with the expectation that it will have a particular ...

FreedomOctober 22nd, 2015
tags: choices

The unspoken assumption is that the one with the words has the power to define the terms because they wield the tools and the skills with which to define. And the accompanying assumption, that everything is definable and controllable by words and concepts. Another has defined "reality" and I must ...

DramaSeptember 23rd, 2015
tags: love

Drama can feel purposeful. Noticing circumstances that provide something to compare myself against can produce a sense of meaning and importance. Like others, I have identified myself in contrast to what I decide I don't like.

But there is no conflict in Love.

So my desire is to release beliefs that support high drama and to identify more ...

Forgiven: A True StoryAugust 22nd, 2015
tags: forgiveness

"I've, I've fallen off the top. If I make things...right with you...everything will be O.K." Al sat across from me, earnestly beseeching my help. Al, the lover who had manipulated, betrayed, belittled and abused me for nearly ten years. I'd left him a year ago, but ...

Ideas of LoveJuly 18th, 2015
tags: love

God awoke...within the morning’s glistening horizon...and cast His mind upon...infinite waves

Fractures of light...afloat on His desire

Ideas of Love...bobbing about the to and fro

 

Dancing for their lives...singing solo...and in harmony

Opened and witnessed...spent

 

Until...hearing God’s call...His ...

Dear Mr. PresidentJune 25th, 2015
tags: empathy

Dear Mr. President,

I listened to your Marc Maron podcast the other day. Thank-you for making yourself accessible, for the chance to experience you in a person-to-person, man-cave-garage dialogue.

Even though I read your book Dreams from My Father several years ago, it touched me to listen to you shed ...

My Dear Daughter(s)May 9th, 2015
tags: love

Dear daughter,

Last night when we talked you sounded more down than I’ve heard you in a long time. I could feel your sadness and your struggle to stay hopeful.

The ‘protective mother’ part of me wants to save you from this struggle. I want to say the right words ...

I Choose BetterApril 25th, 2015
tags: choices

I almost gave up. But I didn’t.

I hesitate to write about why, but I think it matters and it might serve another good.

Because, as I’ve moved forward with my hopes and goals, I’ve uncovered some truly self-sabotaging habits, ones that I wouldn’t have become aware of unless I’d ...

What We're Made OfFebruary 21st, 2015
tags: listening

My first marathon was the San Francisco in 1997. I trained with the Lymphoma & Leukemia Society’s Team in Training because I knew I was much more likely to go the distance if crossing the finish line meant benefitting another.

There’s a lot I could say about the lessons learned ...

Silent NightDecember 27th, 2014
tags: remember

I felt Christmas coming. It came in gently. Quietly.

I could have geared up - it was happening all around me. But, when I opened my “Christmas Supplies” boxes, all I imagined was how beautiful and festive the decorations would look in my daughters’ homes.

It was easy to give them ...

The Creek and the StarsDecember 6th, 2014
tags: love

When my inspiration fails me, I rediscover gratitude for those who have opened to their own genius and offered it up. The mystic poet Rumi has been a friend to me, and it’s O.K. to rely on good friends. We were never meant to do this alone...

The Creek ...

The Woman God ForgotNovember 22nd, 2014
tags: love

Mother dreamed of being loved

But where do you go when God is against you?

So far away you lose yourself

She lives in a night terror

Visiting images of her shame

The world can't love enough the woman God forgot.

You Were Made for ThisNovember 8th, 2014
tags: remember

This admonition from Dr. Estes has seen me through many moments...

My friends, do not lose heart. We were made for these times. I have heard from so many recently who are deeply and properly bewildered. They are concerned about the state of affairs in our world now. Ours is ...

The War of ArtOctober 25th, 2014
tags: create

You don’t know until you make the commitment - until you begin the diet, start the business, commit to the spiritual path - just how much resistance you’re in for.

I expected it to be a challenge. I knew that starting my new business, and journaling about my spiritual journey, would have ...

DialogueSeptember 27th, 2014
tags: empathy

I 'find myself' in dialogue.

I've stumbled into a conversation with my daughter and son-in-law about Duck Dynasty. We move quickly into a deep discussion about gun control, Louisiana, and gay marriage.

This is no argument. We're on the same side of any major political or philisophical divides.

"I watched ...

I Am EnoughAugust 23rd, 2014
tags: love

I need not judge another 'down' in order to know myself 'up'.

I need not assess another 'wrong' in order to sense myself 'right'. This is the habit born of my "only true church" upbringing, afloat in self righteousness.

As I experience myself good in the eyes of God, in ...

Loving MyselfJuly 26th, 2014
tags: love

I knew how to love Al better than I loved myself.

So, when he came to my home with affected speech and slight weakness on his left side, I knew how to forgive him. I knew how to get him to an emergency room. I knew how to ask the ...

The DestinationJune 28th, 2014
tags: remember

I'm sitting alone at my table, slapping and scratching. I don't notice anyone else scratching.

Why am I the only one scratching?

I finish my dinner quickly and go out onto the beach - the mosquitos are less active there. I set my things on a chair and wade out into ...

JoyMay 24th, 2014
tags: listening

It’s a matter of orientation.

The common thought is that if I do something I’ll experience joy. But if I follow that thinking, I’m still oriented from the outside in. That doesn’t work.

Sure, I enjoy painting. The idea is, then, to paint and experience joy. Moments of joy in ...

Get BiggerApril 19th, 2014
tags: listening

Get Bigger.

It's been simmering in me - the question. The mysterious, unknown nature of the feminine - the context, the darkness, the void from which all is born.

Maybe I'm just now touching it, aligning with it. Less fear getting in the way.

The mistaken belief was that I was small ...

Emerson's EditorMarch 22nd, 2014
tags: choices

If a great tree stands among other great trees in a forest, does it make a noise?

I think it does, we just have to listen more closely. Megan Marshall has attuned our ears in her biography Margaret Fuller: A New American Life. As I read this story I found ...

Making MovesFebruary 15th, 2014
tags: choices

It was time to make a move, literally and figuratively. The idea had been inching up on me for a long time, but there was just so much other stuff in front of me, it was easy to put off.

I moved around so much growing up, no one place ...

the good thingNovember 30th, 2013
tags: listening

you needn't look so bewildered
it's very simple
my reference resides
within my skin

where i know i'll find Love
every time

where the struggle happens
where i come to terms
where my truth lives
where i feel God

does that suprise you?

i'm the good thing

The Fifth ChakraOctober 5th, 2013
tags: choices

The eye of the needle...the fifth chakra...the process of facing negative beliefs, conscious and unconscious, and allowing love to transform them...

Reading "The Mythic Image" by Joseph Campbell and the Kundalini Yoga book from my sister, I better understand what's at stake. This is the gateway, the clashing ...

Ride Going NowhereAugust 31st, 2013
tags: forgiveness

i left part of me behind

the best part
is waiting at the station
dripping

i jumped on board without it
to catch a ride
going nowhere

and now i am there
needing forgiveness

Women LeadersJune 8th, 2013
tags: create

My friend John once asked me, “Do you think some people are born to lead? And do you think people, by nature, are drawn to follow?” John was a senior fellow at an Ivy League school and President/CEO of his own international bioscience company. He’d answered his own ...

A Poem for MotherMay 18th, 2013
tags: forgiveness

From the book of poems I gave my mother for Christmas 2004

One moment with my mother
stretching back through the years
to touch me in my tenderness
to know me for the first time

One moment together
her eyes so willing to see me
so willing to see herself ...

Mother LoveMay 11th, 2013
tags: love

From my journal June 2012...

"Last nightI began meditating a little earlier so I wouldn’t be so tired and fall asleep. Was thinking about Erin, about my girls when they were babies. I was so young - hadn’t felt ready to be a mother - had not felt mothered myself.

I'd been ...

My Imperfect BodyApril 7th, 2013
tags: listening

After Al died I desperately needed to find a way to bring my spiritual experiences closer to my physical reality. I began studying various spiritual traditions and practices, but found that even the most well-intended of them lacked the full, original, unadulterated insight that I needed. I attributed this to ...

EasterMarch 2nd, 2013
tags: forgiveness

We've all had something die.

Some of us have suffered the death of a loved one, some of us the death of a pet. Nearly all of us have experienced the 'death' of a long-held belief, relationship or dream. We know the pain of loss.

I'm sure that's why Easter ...

Someone to LoveFebruary 23rd, 2013
tags: love

I woke up a few mornings ago and realized "I need someone or something in my life to love." I'm very focused on creating this business - don't have the spare attention I think a relationship deserves - so I'm not ready to date seriously, but I need to give Love ...

The Love HormoneFebruary 17th, 2013
tags: love

Your smoke alarm goes off in the middle of the night. Adrenaline is pumped into your system. Your amygdala, the area in your brain that processes fear, revs up. At the same time, the hormone oxytocin might also be released, regulating your amygdala's activity. The likelyhood of this hormonal intervention ...

Pray LoveFebruary 9th, 2013
tags: love

Sure, for some of us Valentines Day is a reminder that we don't have a special someone in our life.

Love anyway.

when sadness opens wide the dark
pray love into it
when emptiness pierces your heart
pray love into it

when aloneness is all there is
pray love into ...

Tend and BefriendFebruary 3rd, 2013
tags: choices

You’re late for your flight and a power-crazed TSA attendant pulls you aside for a lipgloss-nail-clipper-keychain baggage check. Are you more likely to verbally castrate him, or get intimidated and withdraw? Before you answer, read the following. Your answer could be “none of the above”.

The stress response standard for ...

The Big PictureJanuary 27th, 2013
tags: remember

It seems we need a crisis, global or personal, to remind us of our spiritual roots.

For a historic perspective on this apparently universal phenonmenon, I rely on Karen Armstrong. In her book, The Great Transformation, she brilliantly details the impetus' for the world's four major religious traditions and does ...

Making SpaceJanuary 19th, 2013
tags: listening

From my journal. Rambling but honest...

1/19/13

I wanted to believe I was good. I wanted to be able to point to something positive in my life and say “See, I am good.” - as though physical evidence would prove it true.

I didn’t want to face ...

BothJanuary 5th, 2013
tags: love

I was reading in my journal the other day, imagining my new life, when I came across this entry from a few years ago. It's a good reminder of where I've been and where I'm going.

1/16/09

A few days ago I was looking in the mirror and ...

Women of the WolvesDecember 22nd, 2012
tags: empathy

It's at times like this that I hold still. I'm stunned, afraid of my own reaction, so I quiet myself.

At times like this, when all that's wrong with 'the world' is shoved so forcefully into my awareness, I withhold - I don't touch down, don't land on 'my take'. I ...

Thoughts on ChristDecember 8th, 2012
tags: love

As Christmas is here, I've turned my attention toward thoughts on Christ and the Love that he taught.I think I see a disconnect between what I believe were his intentions, and the way we've applied these teachings. (May I keep an open heart, even while noticing what is not ...

I am GratefulNovember 10th, 2012
tags: remember

I'm not going to lie to you, the last year or two have been tough. As I've clarified my intentions and initiated my business plan, there have been some personal challenges arise within my family. (I don't comment on them because that would be a violation of their privacy).

It ...

Close to HomeNovember 4th, 2012
tags: remember

The familiar "Serenity Prayer" tells us to "...accept the things we cannot change". 90 mph winds and a body slam to the eastern shoreline fall into this category. But, there's a second admonition in that prayer, "...to change the things we can..." Let's talk about what we ...

On Being An OriginalOctober 7th, 2012
tags: create

Elvis had it. Sure, it was sex appeal, but it was more than that. Van Gogh had it and there’s nothing sexy about haystacks and cypress trees. Mozart had it, and Einstein. I’ve noticed it for a long time, ever since Elvis’ 1968 T.V. special - you know the one ...

From ScratchSeptember 29th, 2012
tags: create

I've got to tell you about my printer. No, not my HP, the women who are printing my business cards.

First, I'll tell you how I found them.

I knew what kind of card I wanted, but didn't know where to get it done. I had a sample business card ...

GatekeepersSeptember 23rd, 2012
tags: choices

"Google." My favorite verb.

I'm a huge fan of access to, and exchange of, large quantities of information, and I know I'm not alone. It's estimated that nearly 80% of baby boomers - nearly 60 million - are online and spend more time there than any other group. Women boomers over ...

Aunt Golda's PurseAugust 25th, 2012
tags: create

My Aunt Golda had a brown, leather purse - the same one for years. I remember it vividly, soft and wrinkled from high-quality cow hide and years of good use. It has a place in my memory because, each year when she came to visit us from her home in San ...

FlowAugust 18th, 2012
tags: create

If it feels so good, why don't we do it more often?

What I'm talking about is flow, the Alpha brainwave state.

You've probably heard the term, but may not know exactly what it is and how to get into it. According to The Handbook of Positive Psychology, flow has ...

Room EnoughAugust 11th, 2012
tags: love

"What's it like to be a twin?" I heard it all the time growing up and I always had the same response - "I don't know. I've never been anything else." And it was true. Being a twin was so much a part of me, it was impossible for ...

Living Right Side OutAugust 4th, 2012
tags: remember

“Living right-side-out” - a phrase I made up, so I’ll explain what I mean by it. To make it unmistakably clear, I’ll describe its opposite, what it was like to live "outside-in".

First, my internal dialogue was overwhelmed by negative beliefs that had been drilled into me by an external source ...

Courageous ActsJuly 28th, 2012
tags: choices

The most courageous acts are performed in solitude, without audience, without acknowledgement.

My most profoundly heroic moments are those moments when I'm called upon to face myself, in all honesty - to accept the truth of my humanity, limitations, fears, errors, ignorance and blemishes - then forgive this truth and rise up ...

Reference PointsJuly 15th, 2012
tags: choices

I use the term “reference points” because it helps me see them. They're the activities, beliefs and memories I return to over and over because of the importance and meaning they have in my life. I’ve had quite a collection - ideas about God, my daily jog, a favorite pair of ...

Writing MyselfJuly 7th, 2012
tags: create

I'd never thought of myself as a writer. Other than a personal journal, I'd never felt the urge to express myself in written word - that was for people with something to say. But, I'd left my life behind, and before I could move forward again, I needed to 'pull myself ...

The Power to CreateJune 30th, 2012
tags: create

It has everything to do with remembering the beauty that we are. We each have this power, the power to create, and it is indelibly bound to our awareness of the truth that lives within us.

Of course I’m talking about creativity in the most straight forward sense - when inspired ...

Magnificent ManJune 23rd, 2012
tags: love

You are shining
my magnificent man
shaven head and withered arms
cry out for pity
in vain

Your body, foreign
but for the bonfire in your eyes
for muscle and skin deep winter
for the windows of your soul
the fourth of july
all blasting and sparkl

you are shining ...

A Moment of LoveJune 16th, 2012
tags: love

A journal entry from my book - July 2002

A moment of remembering...

When love assumes a forward position in my awareness, when I invite it out of the cheap seats, and into it’s rightful place, front and center, I know it. An undercurrent of calm and a sense of breadth ...

It Changed EverythingJune 10th, 2012
tags: choices

It’s been a while, but I still use it as a reference point. It’s the decision that changed everything.

Up until that moment I was ambivalent. I wanted more love in my life, but I was tired. I’d done everything I could imagine - had loved my daughters, had read all ...

RememberingJune 3rd, 2012
tags: remember

It’s a little like finding a favorite, old photograph you haven’t seen in a very long time. It’s of you, and seeing it takes you back to that moment, to how it felt. Bit’s and pieces come to mind - where you lived, who you loved, choices you made, highlights of ...