My dear sister,
I know your pain. Please don't believe yourself so far from me that you deny this. I’ve been where you are now.
I know how it feels to believe that love has betrayed you. I have visited the despair of "there is no love" repeatedly as I've looked for evidence of it in my world. I've longed for a smile of approval from our mother, a nod of confidence from our father, a gesture of inclusion from any one of my siblings. I've searched for it in the eyes of my daughters, in the desperate hope that their forgiving hearts would find me innocent.
I've looked for it in the approval of men who needed someone to be 'wrong' and powerless so they could know themselves 'right' and powerful. In countless ways I contorted and betrayed my Self, conforming to another's model of reality so I might feel the small comfort of usefulness, and called it love.
I've looked for it in identifying with the righteousness of the 'victim' experience. Nothing can feel more exonerating than the ability to clearly describe an abuse, assign blame and attack an offender. In the absence of real love, this can be a very seductive option, one that offers the illusion of power and safety.
I've looked for love in all the places one could hope to find it, believing it lived in the hearts of others and that I just needed to find the right 'other' and elicit it. I thought love came from somewhere outside of me.
I've been there and I understand it, but know that expecting another person's attention and compassion to heal the disconnect any of us feels from Love is backwards thinking. Love is available to us, always, as children of God's Love. It is the energy of extension, and is continually being extended to us from Infinite Loving Souce. When we accept it and align with it, and extend it to others, we know peace, certainty and comfort.
We do the most good as we ignore the fearful madness and forgive the errors of thought that deny the Love that we all Are. The Truth is still true. There is no greater power. Every other 'power' is a "puff of madness" in the face of Infinite Love. God has never stopped loving us, sees only the perfection and innocence in us, has already forgiven everything....never thought there was anything needing forgiving. Nothing changes this. Nothing.
Love and peace are available, but only you can learn to receive them for yourself. Aligning with Infinite Loving Source isn't something someone else can do for you. You alone are responsible for your choice to return to this awareness.
The Truth is in the quiet. When you stop controlling, stop assigning blame to others, stop judging yourself, and hand the outcome over to One Who has the bigger picture, Love will be easier to know. Absolute acceptance and peace is very, very big. Go to that place and stay there. Don't leave it for anything or anyone. Period.
This is how I love you. I love you by holding in my heart the absolute belief in Who you are. I hold the Truth about you in my awareness and remain unconvinced that there is any other truth.
Meet me at Love,
Your sister, always.